Sunday, July 1, 2012

Process, Shoulds, and the Fight

Well, it's 6 months into the new year and when I look back on my blog from the first of the year I realize I haven't really come that far. I was right when I said a new year wouldn't mean things would all be "magically better". Life has been, for lack of a better word, lifey (well, that's probably not a word, but it's all I've got!). I still struggle with lack of discipline and I'm still dealing with a lot of stuff. I've been very challenged the past four weeks at church during a sermon series about "Engaging Our Emotions". The pastor had read a book entitled "The Cry of the Soul - How Our Emotions Reveal Our Deepest Questions About God" by Dr. Dan Allender and Dr. Tremper Longman. I purchased the book and am almost finished with it. It has been very challenging to me in my thinking about emotions. I have always been an "emotional" person. I've joked with people about how as a Body of Christ we all have our part and I am the tear duct. This sermon series and this book have helped me in looking at what my emotions reveal about my relationship with God.

I have always been a goal setter and strive to accomplish the goals I set out to achieve. I set some goals for this year... the biggest one being what I said in my first (and only blog) of the year... "I don't want to just have a casual relationship with Christ. I want a close relationship. I want to live my life in full surrender to Him." This is still my goal and one huge thing I'm realizing is that it is a PROCESS! So many times I think to myself, I should have gotten victory over this by now, I should be "over this" by now, I should.__________ . I need to stop "shoulding" myself.  I have often felt like a failure and like I've let God and others down so many times, but as a good friend reminded me, "You'll only let me down if you quit the process" I think God would say the same thing to me and I have to remind myself that He doesn't expect me  to be perfect and I just need to keep "fighting the good fight" 1 Timothy 6:12.

One of my running goals was to run 1,000 miles this year. At this point I don't know if I will accomplish that or not and honestly it doesn't matter to me. If I do, great... if I don't, there's always next year, or the next year. I also am in week 2 of my marathon training for the 2012 Des Moines marathon. I have "officially" gotten in a total of 4 miles in those 2 weeks. I have 16 weeks of training left and I need to get in gear if I intend to be ready for the 26.2 miles that lies ahead of me. I haven't been doing well with my diet or exercise plan, but this also is a process. The physical, emotional, and spiritual are all tied together. I'm seeking to become healthier all around but it is all a process. I am thankful for friends and God who don't give up on me and who believe in me.

Fighting the good fight,