I realized this weekend that deep down I've been listening to lies based on how some people have treated me over the past nine months. The love of my life walked out of my life with no explanation and some other friends deserted me with no good explanation. When everything first happened I had the marathon in front of me and was just focused on that and still did pretty good with my eating choices and exercising. Ever since the marathon ended I have been struggling big time. I've had SOME good times but overall have not done well and have managed to gain over 30 pounds back. This weekend was really bad. I've been depressed and drowning my sorrows in food which has only left me feeling more miserable. Today I have been evaluating why and have realized that I have been feeling worthless which is how I was left feeling when David and so-called friends deserted me.
I have known in my head that I'm not worthless and that I deserve better than to be treated that way but I think deep down I have felt worthless. I spent over 2 years working hard to change my eating habits and develop a healthy lifestyle because for the first time in my life I got to the place where I knew I was worth it and was determined to make these changes to improve my life. I found success and lost over 80 pounds and accomplished completing a marathon. But lately I have been treating myself the way I have been feeling... I haven't been caring for myself and loving myself the way that God loves and cares for me.
I am not foolish enough to say I won't still struggle and have bad days now and then. But, I am really going to work hard to not live according to the lies but according to the truth. I am loved and cared for by God and by MANY wonderful friends. I need to care for and love myself and treat myself better because I'm NOT worthless!!
Pressing on and running the race,