Friday, August 12, 2011

Forgetting what is behind

One of my favorite verses is Philippians 3:13-14: "Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead,I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."

This is applicable in so many areas of my life right now. There are things that happened that I need to forget about and just look forward. This is somewhat difficult when things are constantly popping up to remind me of the past hurts. This has spiraled into a bout of depression the past few weeks which has led to not eating well and not exercising. This past week was really hard. It's so frustrating - when I get into that depression I end up eating junk food and not working out and that leads to further depression because I feel lousy about myself. When I am feeling depressed I need to work out even more than ever! But, when I'm in the midst of it no matter how much I tell myself what I know I need to do I can't seem to motivate myself to do it. It hasn't helped that I haven't been to see my counselor in a while - money has been tight. But, I am going to see her next week and plan to get back to seeing her every other week regularly. I still have a lot of work to do for my emotional healing. In the mean time I know I can do some things to help myself.

Last night I was looking through some pictures on Facebook of my half marathon and marathon. I noticed not only how much more fit I looked but how much happier I looked! I've been so frustrated about the weight I've gained the past several months but being frustrated about it isn't going to change it. I can't look back at what was and just wish to be there again. I have to get myself up and just start over again.

The marathon is 9 weeks from Sunday. At this point I doubt I will be able to do the full marathon, I am however hoping to be able to do the half. I don't know how fast I'll get it done, it may be slower than 2 years ago when I did my first half, but at this point I just want to do it. My goal is to get healthy and happy again! So, forgetting what is behind... I am pressing on!

With faith and hope,