Monday, November 26, 2012

The "fat friend"

I arrived home last Friday after a wonderful week with my family (Aunt, Uncle, and Cousin) and friends (Debra and Scott) As I was looking through pictures, one in particular stuck out to me. I love this picture of Debra and I - it is so evident in this picture how much she loves me. I love the way she wrapped her arms all the way around me and the big smile on her face shows her love and feelings of deep friendship toward me. However, I could tell a bit from my expression too, and remembering how I felt when it was being taken. I can tell I'm not completely comfortable - the blanket I was using was pulled clear up around me to "hide myself" and I can tell from my expression that even though I am thrilled to be with my friend and feel so loved, I always hate having my picture taken and can see the hesitation on my face. I feel like the "fat friend". I see how beautiful Debra is and admittedly sometimes wonder how she can be my friend. She was a cheerleader in High School and I was SO far removed from "that crowd" I don't see how I can fit in now. Yet, friendship doesn't look at the exterior - it looks at the heart.

I remember in college one of my good friends made a comment to me that they never thought of me as their "fat friend Sherri" - I was just their friend Sherri. That stuck with me and I know that my friends don't think of me as their "fat friend Sherri" - my fat isn't what defines me. My friends see my heart, they see beyond the exterior. I am so thankful to have these friends who love me for me no matter what. But, the truth is, I still feel like the "fat friend". I still struggle with the insecurity of my physical body.

God has been working in my life lately in amazing ways speaking to my heart that I am His child, I am His friend, that I belong to Him because I've been bought with a price and that I am free from any condemnation or lies the enemy speaks to me. I am working on internalizing these truths but it is a process.

In the meantime, I am thankful for old friends and new who I can laugh with, cry with, depend on through thick and thin - no matter how thick or thin I may be.

Continuing to learn, grow, and press on in the race of life,