Sunday, October 21, 2012

Random Thoughts

I've been sitting here trying to come up with a coherent, flowing blog post for about an hour. It ain't gonna happen... I have some coherent thoughts but they are kind of random and not necessarily related. So, here they are...

1. A few weeks ago I wrote about not living my life in fear and how I was going to take this trip to Colorado and not worry or be fearful over all the "what ifs" Shortly after that is when I had the car problems which ended up being pretty expensive. It almost derailed me - it almost caused me to decide not to go. The fear started welling up in me again - I think it's kind of a default setting of mine - something I definitely want to change. I'd really like my default setting to be to trust God. Time and time again He has shown me how trustworthy He is and yet I keep falling back into the fear. Thankfully, I realized what was happening and "talked myself down" and leaned back into the trusting arms of God.

2. I saw this quote and it got me thinking... there are a lot of things in my life that I haven't really faced... things I've buried deep and just hoped would go away. But, they don't go away - they affect my life every day even when I don't recognize it. I'm thankful that I am seeing a counselor who will be able to help me to dig these things up and face them once and for all.

3. Today I was supposed to run my 2nd marathon - instead I feel like I've hit a wall. I know this is a journey and I know that a lifetime of thinking a certain way and handling life in a not-so-healthy way is not just going to magically change overnight. I feel like I've been working at it forever though and some days I look at my life and feel like no progress has been made at all. In reality, I know that isn't true, but it feels that way sometimes.  And the truth is that sometimes I get tired of the battle, sometimes I just want to throw my hands up in the air and say, "I've had enough! I quit!" Fortunately, those times don't last and when the feeling passes, I continue on the journey pressing on toward my goal. I want to be healthy - emotionally, spiritually, and physically. In order to be healthy it will take hard work and discipline... I wasn't planning on registering for another marathon until I was at a healthy weight, but when I knew I couldn't even run the half marathon I e-mailed the race director and he told me I could defer my registration for next year. In a way I think this is a good thing. I'm setting a goal to lose one pound a week for the next year. One pound a week is a very reasonable and attainable goal. It is one I can attain without obsessing and that is important. I don't want to obsess over just one area of my life. I want to focus on being healthy all the way around.

4. OK, I said they are random thoughts... and this isn't so much a thought as just wanting to show off my handsome kitty. He was sitting on the couch like this yesterday afternoon. It looked like he was posing for me and like he was thinking, "I'm so handsome!"  I really am thankful for my cat - he's such a good cat, so lovable and sweet. I love my boy!

So - there it is - random thoughts of the day... nothing very coherent, but that is life inside my head right now!

Incoherently yours,