"I don't want to be here... I mean here, on earth, alive.
Don't worry. I don't have the courage to kill myself...
The worst place to be... the scariest place to be is in my mind...
and that's all I have left so I'm not gonna do it...
but I don't want to be here."
~ Corinne Bennett (Private Practice, Season 5 "The Letting Go")
I just finished watching this episode of Private Practice and man did I shed some big time tears. The quote above was from Sam's sister who suffers from bi-polar disorder and is really struggling and hurting. This quote hit me right between the eyes... truth be told I feel this way sometimes. I know God has my days numbered and He is in control of my time here on this earth. As I have written before I want to make the most of the time He has given me - but yes... the scariest place to be sometimes is my mind. There is so much hurt and pain I've been dealing with... and not dealing with... for so many years. The process of dealing with some of it is scary and hard but I'm realizing that not dealing with it is probably harder on me than actually diving in and dealing with it.
I am grateful that, unlike this character in this TV show, I have faith in the Lord and His promises.
I am also grateful that I have wonderful family, friends, and church family who are there for me and walking with me through this. I am also thankful for an awesome counselor who has been and continues to be so supportive and helpful.
Hanging on and Trusting Through the Fear,