I rushed to get out the door and got in my car and started to pray as I headed down the road. I was overflowing with thankfulness. It has been a long time since I have felt like I am doing exactly what God wants me to be doing and it is awesome. Just. Awesome.
I realized something as I was praying. Something that my counselor said Monday when we met really hit me. I was telling him about Jon Acuff's #StartExp and what I was doing - and that I was going to submit something to be published at the end of the 24 days. I made a comment about how I didn't necessarily think I would get published...
"I mean who gets published their first time submitting something?" I asked.
"You do." he responded, without missing a beat.
I told him that, of course, I realized it was possible, but that I wasn't setting myself up for any unrealistic expectations. Then, as I was driving to work this morning I realized what a profound impact those two simple words had on me. I thought to myself as I was going down the road, "You do." "I do?" Wow. It hit me right between the eyes. Growing up my hopes and dreams were squashed. I never felt good enough. I don't remember things I did being praised. I don't remember being encouraged to follow my dreams. I felt like I could never measure up and would surely fail at anything I tried.
After my appointment Monday things came together and it dawned on me this morning why - actual affirmation was given to me... my counselor is one of the most genuine individuals I have ever met and when he said, "You do." he meant it... he truly believes that I could very well be accepted for publication on my first try. I realized as I was praying that I am so blessed. He's not the first person to believe in me. My younger big brother as well as other friends have told me several times that they have enough faith for the both of us, I have friends that encourage me to dream big and believe in me.
The power of words is amazing. The power of letting someone know you believe in them and their hopes and dreams can have a huge affect on someone. I am very grateful today for my counselor's simple words the other day. They really made big difference and have helped me to believe in myself. God has placed all of these people in my life and He has used them to remind me of His truth - that He began this work in me and that He will be faithful to continue that work in me. Now, I don't mean to Jesus Juke my own blog post, but the fact that God Himself believes in me is reason enough for me to believe that I can do what He has set before me.
That being said, I know there is no guarantee that I will be published on my first try, but I know that I am doing what God has called me to do and that is all that matters. He has promised to be faithful so I need to do my part and be faithful to what He has called me to do. So, for that reason, I will keep doing the work, I will keep writing, I will tell my story, and I will trust that God can take all of my brokenness and use it for His good and His glory - because that's just how He rolls!
Unbelievably blessed and overflowing with gratitude,