Thursday, April 4, 2013

Keeping it Real

Have you ever eaten yourself into a food coma? It certainly doesn't look or feel as cute as this picture depicts. I'm writing this afternoon to just keep it real with you all... ever since "devouring" the book "Will I Ever Be Good Enough? Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers" by Dr. Karyl McBride I have had a lot of processing going on in my mind. However, I haven't really taken any of the steps I need in order to begin the healing process... or maybe my food binges are the first step in my grief process... I don't know. What I do know is that this is getting ridiculous. I haven't weighed myself all week because I know that I have been eating terrible. At one point I had lost 14 pounds since the beginning of the year. I gained 7 back and then lost 1 again last time I was on the scale. I fear at this point I've gained at least 5 more back. My coping mechanism has always been drowning myself in food and I get to the point where I am still full, approaching miserable, yet I keep eating until whatever unhealthy crap I bought is gone. So, here I sit, after what I think is my 3rd major binge in a week thinking "THIS HAS GOT TO STOP!!!"

My plans Monday were to do some writing in my journal and work through some of the suggestions from Dr. McBride in her book, spend some time in the Word and in prayer, lay this all out at my Father's feet. Then life got in the way and Monday didn't go as I planned so I just ended up chucking it all - even though I still had time to do some of what I had planned.
Right now I am planning on taking a long hot shower, getting a little reading done and approach the weekend with some realistic expectations of what I can do to begin really processing the information I learned from this book. 

Gluttony is a sin we don't often talk about... I imagine a lot of us view this list of sins as follows...

lying - bad
stealing - bad
not honoring parents - bad
adultery - REALLY bad
gluttony - eh... we all like food, right?

But, the truth is that SIN is SIN no matter WHAT sin it is. Proverbs 23:2: "And put a knife to your throat if you are given to appetite." Proverbs 23:23: "For the drunkard and the glutton will come to poverty, and slumber will clothe them with rags." It certainly doesn't seem that gluttony is a sin to be taken with an "eh" kind of attitude.

"Lord, forgive my gluttonous ways. Forgive me for running to food to fill me up instead of You. Forgive me for having an 'eh' kind of attitude about this sin in my life. Help me Lord to honor You in all that I do and say. May You be glorified in me. Help me Lord as I process and journey through a lot of garbage from my past so that it will not define me, but help me to be a shining light of Your love and grace to this world. In Jesus' Most Holy Name I pray, Amen."



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