Saturday, March 16, 2013

The Reason for Green

Being St. Patrick's Day weekend, I thought - what better time to write about why I like green so much. It's no secret to anyone who knows me very well at all that my favorite color is GREEN! The thing most people don't know is why.... why green of all the colors?

Blue is pretty - the sky is blue, the Indianapolis Colts are blue, my eyes are blue and they are my favorite physical characteristic.

Yellow is the color of sunshine, the color of the Iowa Hawkeyes! Yellow is a happy color. It is the color of the happy face icon.

Grey and Orange are the colors of my kitty cats Buddy and Miss Molly. And we all know how much I LOVE my kitties!

Red is the color of love. And, really, who doesn't love love?  Red is also the color of blood, which represents Christ's blood shed for us on the cross.

But - GREEN ... ahh, green... I love all shades of green.

  • Green makes me smile.
  • Green gives me hope.
Right now the grass is yucky brown, there are patches of snow still around, turning into yucky, muddy, slushy puddles... but pretty soon Spring will be here. The grass will turn from brown to a lush green.  The trees will start blooming with bright green leaves. I took this picture a few years ago as I was driving down a rural Iowa road. I have lived in Iowa most of my life (8 years were spent in NW Missouri which, in reality, isn't very different from Iowa) but on this day the beautiful landscape struck me. The beautiful green fields and grass, the lush green trees.

I am emerging from a period of serious depression... an extremely dark time in my life. I look in the mirror right now and I don't like what I see...
  • I don't like that I feel like I've wasted many years hurting, grieving, burying pain.
  • I don't like the weight I've gained back that I worked so hard to lose.
  • I don't like the way most clothes look on me as a result of the gained weight.
  • I don't like that I feel like I've lost some of the sparkle I once had in my eye.
  • I don't like the pain I see and still feel so deeply.
But - SPRING IS COMING! Three years ago my former fiancĂ© and I were talking of getting married on March 20th... the first day of Spring, a day of new beginnings... what a perfect day to begin our life together (so I thought). Well, March 20th came and went, we talked about other days, and slowly, but surely things fell apart and the relationship came to a painful end. The past couple of Springs that was all I could think about. But this year I have been feeling pretty good about life, I have been feeling hopeful for the first time in a LONG time and it didn't dawn on me until it came up during a session with my counselor that "the date" was approaching. THIS YEAR Spring has me feeling HOPEFUL for the first time in years. I finally realized several things:
  • My life has not been wasted.
  • The pain I have experienced has purpose.
  • I am the precious daughter of the Creator of all.
  • I am worthy.
  • I am loved beyond measure.
  • I am NOT too broken for God to heal.
I was invited to a wedding tonight for two young people in our church. They are in their early 20's and there is a part of me that didn't want to go. Being in my 40's, single, never married, no kids - it is hard to go to weddings. It is hard because it fills me with questions:
  • "Why not me, Lord?" 
  • "What's wrong with me that I am not married?"
  • "How come I can't find a love like that?"
I had almost decided not to go - just spend the evening home alone with my 2 cats reading or watching a movie. But God, in His gentleness, spoke to me by His Spirit that this isn't about me. This is about a lovely young lady and a wonderful young man who love each other and love Jesus and are a beautiful picture of God's love. This is about "Rejoice with those who rejoice..." Romans 12:15a (The rest of the verse says "weep with those who weep") Many people have wept with me and I am so thankful for my wonderful church family, friends, and family who have wept along side me in my times of hurt. What right do I have to not join in rejoicing and celebrating with this loving couple as they begin their lives together? None!

So, tonight, I am going to pick myself up off my couch, get dressed in my outfit I got at Goodwill for under $15 and go celebrate the joining of two people who are beginning their lives together as husband and wife.

Filled with HOPE,


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