So, here it is - some random thoughts about where God and I have journeyed this fall. If there's one thing that really gets under my skin it is fake people. I try to be pretty transparent and not be fake. Bottom line is I don't like who I am a lot of the time...
- I curse like a sailor (most particularly at work or when by myself)
- I am seriously lacking in self-control and discipline in many areas of my life
- I get angry - a lot
- I get my feelings hurt - a lot
- I sometimes am hurt for legitimate reasons but don't know what to do with it when that happens so I tend to bury it and pretend I am "OK"
- I am an introvert who sometimes really hates being alone and feels like that "thing" in Sesame Street - you know what I'm talking about... "which of these things is not like the other?... which of these things just doesn't belong?"
My relationship with God is a process... it isn't just something I study for one semester, or one year, or four years and then I'm done. I have been a Christian for 27 years and while I know God has done so much, has taught me so much, has brought me so far - I know I still have SO FAR to go... It is a journey - a journey that will take my whole life to really become all He intends me to be. God knows all the rotten stuff about me (only a portion of which is listed here) and yet He loves me so much that He willingly gave His only Son to not only be born into this world, but to live in it for a time. He walked this earth, He experienced temptation, He experienced suffering... the only thing He didn't do was sin - but everything else - everything I go through - Jesus can relate. I am so grateful to know Jesus in this personal way and know that I can go to Him with everything. I can take all my sin, all my hurt, all my frustration and suffering and lay it at His feet. As a perfectionist it has been hard for me to realize that this side of heaven I will not attain perfection but my goal is to continually strive toward the goal of becoming more like Jesus every day. Yes, I will fail, Yes, I will fall. But God will always be there to forgive me and to pick me up. My relationship with God is a journey... a process... and I will continue in my journey with Him - even in the muck and the mire - I will look up to Him and trust and rest in Him.
Pressing on in faith,