Monday, November 26, 2012

The "fat friend"

I arrived home last Friday after a wonderful week with my family (Aunt, Uncle, and Cousin) and friends (Debra and Scott) As I was looking through pictures, one in particular stuck out to me. I love this picture of Debra and I - it is so evident in this picture how much she loves me. I love the way she wrapped her arms all the way around me and the big smile on her face shows her love and feelings of deep friendship toward me. However, I could tell a bit from my expression too, and remembering how I felt when it was being taken. I can tell I'm not completely comfortable - the blanket I was using was pulled clear up around me to "hide myself" and I can tell from my expression that even though I am thrilled to be with my friend and feel so loved, I always hate having my picture taken and can see the hesitation on my face. I feel like the "fat friend". I see how beautiful Debra is and admittedly sometimes wonder how she can be my friend. She was a cheerleader in High School and I was SO far removed from "that crowd" I don't see how I can fit in now. Yet, friendship doesn't look at the exterior - it looks at the heart.

I remember in college one of my good friends made a comment to me that they never thought of me as their "fat friend Sherri" - I was just their friend Sherri. That stuck with me and I know that my friends don't think of me as their "fat friend Sherri" - my fat isn't what defines me. My friends see my heart, they see beyond the exterior. I am so thankful to have these friends who love me for me no matter what. But, the truth is, I still feel like the "fat friend". I still struggle with the insecurity of my physical body.

God has been working in my life lately in amazing ways speaking to my heart that I am His child, I am His friend, that I belong to Him because I've been bought with a price and that I am free from any condemnation or lies the enemy speaks to me. I am working on internalizing these truths but it is a process.

In the meantime, I am thankful for old friends and new who I can laugh with, cry with, depend on through thick and thin - no matter how thick or thin I may be.

Continuing to learn, grow, and press on in the race of life,



  1. I've never once thought of you this way, Sherri. I love you for you are! You are beautiful and very loved!

  2. I know most, if not all of my friends have never thought of me that way. It's a battle I have in my own mind! Thank you Wendy! Love you friend!

  3. I understand how you feel. I used to hide myself from my friends and family because I was ashamed of who I was and what I looked like. It is definitely a journey of self acceptance. I believe that as we allow our wounds to continuely heal by applying God's word to them we will learn to love ourselves and see ourselves as God sees us.....perfect, strong, powerful and beautiful.

  4. Amen Monica. I hear the voices of my past saying, "If you weren't so fat..." in my head and it's so hard. And, I KNOW that my friends don't view me this way - and I KNOW God doesn't view me this way. I'm learning to see myself through God's eyes. I know I need to get healthy and treat His temple better but it is a process and of everyone, God understands the journey I am on better than even I do!