Sunday, October 21, 2012
I've been sitting here trying to come up with a coherent, flowing blog post for about an hour. It ain't gonna happen... I have some coherent thoughts but they are kind of random and not necessarily related. So, here they are...
1. A few weeks ago I wrote about not living my life in fear and how I was going to take this trip to Colorado and not worry or be fearful over all the "what ifs" Shortly after that is when I had the car problems which ended up being pretty expensive. It almost derailed me - it almost caused me to decide not to go. The fear started welling up in me again - I think it's kind of a default setting of mine - something I definitely want to change. I'd really like my default setting to be to trust God. Time and time again He has shown me how trustworthy He is and yet I keep falling back into the fear. Thankfully, I realized what was happening and "talked myself down" and leaned back into the trusting arms of God.
3. Today I was supposed to run my 2nd marathon - instead I feel like I've hit a wall. I know this is a journey and I know that a lifetime of thinking a certain way and handling life in a not-so-healthy way is not just going to magically change overnight. I feel like I've been working at it forever though and some days I look at my life and feel like no progress has been made at all. In reality, I know that isn't true, but it feels that way sometimes. And the truth is that sometimes I get tired of the battle, sometimes I just want to throw my hands up in the air and say, "I've had enough! I quit!" Fortunately, those times don't last and when the feeling passes, I continue on the journey pressing on toward my goal. I want to be healthy - emotionally, spiritually, and physically. In order to be healthy it will take hard work and discipline... I wasn't planning on registering for another marathon until I was at a healthy weight, but when I knew I couldn't even run the half marathon I e-mailed the race director and he told me I could defer my registration for next year. In a way I think this is a good thing. I'm setting a goal to lose one pound a week for the next year. One pound a week is a very reasonable and attainable goal. It is one I can attain without obsessing and that is important. I don't want to obsess over just one area of my life. I want to focus on being healthy all the way around.
So - there it is - random thoughts of the day... nothing very coherent, but that is life inside my head right now!