Friday, June 3, 2011
Well, this might be a record for the number of times I've posted in a week. But, I guess I just have a lot to say this week!
Last night I was watching a re-run of Dr. Phil. I don't think I've ever watched a complete episode, but this caught my attention. The woman he was talking to was with a man, the father of her child, and he consistently cheated on her. Dr. Phil asked her if she thought she deserved being treated better and she said "No". I couldn't believe what I was hearing. She knew he cheated and yet she stayed with him... she "accepted" his behavior even though she didn't like it. I found myself being critical of her and not understanding how she could do that. Then, I realized that for many months I allowed myself to be treated very poorly by David. While I wouldn't say, like this woman did, that I didn't deserve better. I knew I deserved better than to be treated the way he was treating me, but I was convinced that having "true love" for him meant standing by him regardless. When I got done watching the show I prayed and realized that if he had really loved me, like he said he did, he wouldn't be treating me the way he was. I realized that I allowed him to keep treating me that way by standing by him. I did NOT deserve to be treated that way and if he had truly loved me he wouldn't have done what he did. I deserve to have someone love me the way that I loved him. I am worth far more than being dismissed the way he dismissed me. I find myself conflicted... I love the David that I met and spent many months with, but I don't have those same feelings of love for the David who treated me so poorly and hurt me so bad. I have pity for that David, I have concern for that David, I pray for that David that God would soften his heart and make him the man God wants him to be.
I took my Grandma's wedding ring off my ring finger and just have her engagement ring on that finger now. It is now my "Promise to God" ring. I promise that I will seek to live my life with God as the center of my heart. I promise that I will not settle for anything other than God's very best for me in any relationship I have in the future. I've realized that I deserve SO much better than how David treated me at the end of our relationship. This is a new beginning for me and I'm so thankful for where God has brought me! ♥
Seeking whole health...