I kind of feel like a big jumble of thoughts right now, maybe not a good time to write a blog post, but here it goes.
Another week has gone by.... it started out great, then I had a few really tough days in the middle, and it ended amazingly.
Last Sunday I had a great time at church. The fellowship with my church family was sweet, the worship time was awesome, and God really spoke to my heart. I had an amazing peace in my heart. Wednesday hit me with a bad headache and just overall not feeling well. I was excited to go to Ekklesia Wednesday night and knew I would leave that time encouraged and rejuvenated. I ended up falling asleep on the couch and when I woke up it was too late to make it to Ekklesia.
I got on the computer and a young man from church was on Skype and messaged me. He asked me how my day was and if I had been amazed by God yet. I said I was amazed I made it through the day. He said, that's still amazement. I told him I was also amazed at his question. I have known this young man since he was a toddler and he's now a junior in High School. I was amazed at the heart for God and focus he has in his life. I told him that his question made me stop and think. He said he was glad I stopped to think and that it's always better to look at the silver lining, it's more colorful. I said sometimes the clouds are so big that it's hard to see the silver lining. And he told me that sometimes there are holes in the clouds filled with light.
The next day at work I was looking out the window and saw clouds, then I saw a hole with light breaking through. I was amazed at how I had this conversation the day before and God was showing me the truth of it by the beauty of His nature. It reaffirmed to me the love God has for me to show me that so clearly. I still had a couple rough days, memories of things with David and a dream about another friend going through a lot of struggles really had me down.
Saturday I met with my counselor and we talked about how God doesn't bring any pain into our lives without purpose. We had a great session and she gave me a tool for helping to deal with all the emotion that overwhelms me at times. This morning at church, Pastor Marty was sharing from the gospel of Luke. One of his points was how God oftentimes uses our emptiness to show us how MUCH He has to offer. Simon had been fishing all night and his nets were empty. Jesus got into his boat and told him to put the net out into deep water and let down the nets for a catch. Simon said, "Master, we've worked hard all night and haven't caught anything, but because you say so, I will let down the nets." After they did so, they caught SUCH a large amount of fish that the nets began to break and they had to call other fishermen over to help them. The boats we so full they almost sank.
I was amazed at how God used both my counselor and pastor to really speak to me about how He can use this time of pain and emptiness in my life. He really has been showing me how much HE has to offer me and He is filling me with so much love and peace in the midst of such difficult times it is truly AMAZING!
I feel like I could go on and on tonight. But, think I will close. I know I haven't mentioned anything about running, but God has been showing me that this race I'm running is more than about actual running. I have been running and working out. I can't wait for Spring when I can run outside. I am still on the dreadmill at the gym.... longing to be outside and patiently?? waiting for Spring!
Rejoicing in tribulation, trusting in God, amazed by His peace,